A letter to me!

Hey folks, back with my writing after a long gap. I wasn’t myself lately and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to write about what was happening in my life lately. I have been on and off with my PTSD. I kind of relapsed but I am sailing fine as you know I can’t give up, especially not for someone who gave me trauma. I can't lose my worth because of some shit in my life that broke the inner child in me. I am trying to heal my inner child one day at a time. Currently, that child is too lost, and numb and wants to cry so hard but tears won’t just come up. I feel for her, I feel for her when she wants to vent out to the world but she can’t because of some reason. I want to tell her that it’s okay, it wasn’t her fault, and dont be too hard on herself. I so want to hug her and wipe her tears out but it’s just not happening.

With time I have realised that it’s not about the mistakes we make. Mistakes aren’t special. We all make them, it’s about how we recover, grow and move forward as a better version of ourselves. This blog is dedicated to the inner child in me who has been feeling lonely, lost and numb for quite a long time. I want to tell her that it’s okay, shit happens. I know the trauma you have received should not be there but as one of my friends says, “It is what it is, so just let it go.” Slowly and gradually I am trying to heal from my wounds and give a safer space to my inner child but I am lacking somehow ad I feel it is killing me. And PTSD is acting up on its own but all I know is I am not giving up, especially when I feel like giving up the most, but not this time.

I will try my best to tell my inner child that one day I wish you cry out loud just to heal and start over because without you I am clueless and I miss myself more than anyone. Stay with me, we got this. I know this blog seems to be a bit personal and a rant but that is what I wanted to write, that’s what I want to tell the world dont never neglect your inner child, one day just listen to what he/she wants and see how it can make you a better person. PTSD is brutal but it taught me one thing I need to love myself more than anything in this world and I guess I am on it. It’s very tough for a being like me who think of others first but I am trying, I am trying to put myself first and do what makes me happy. And I hope you too will keep yourself rather because you know that you are worth it, there is no one like you ❤

I want to share this ordeal with the world that I read somewhere and I can relate 200% to it, here you go -

So you tossed her heart in the garbage as if it meant nothing. You laughed, smiled, and went on with your life while she was busy ripping her mind apart, trying to understand where you both went wrong. All the restless nights and painful mornings wondering if you still cared and pondering the idea of patching things up with you. You failed to destroy her because out of all this suffering, she learned to love and value herself more. She learned never to give away her heart so freely to anyone that wasn’t appreciative of it, she became stronger than ever, and she won.

This little rant cum blog was for every human being out there whose heart has been broken, dont forget you are a human being, it’s in your blood to persevere no matter what you’re going through always remember the strength you have within.

Lots of love, strength and hope. See you soon ❤